AN IDEAL ALPHA
The Sunday Lite - A Comedy loosely based on Oscar Wilde's "An Ideal Husband"
CHARACTERS:
ROBERT STERLING (45) - Senior Partner at Sterling & Associates PR, desperate to appear "with it"
GERTRUDE STERLING (42) - His wife, Head of HR, believes in "proper workplace hierarchy"
LORD MARCUS GORING (50) - Rival PR executive, thrives on office politics and gossip
MRS. CHEVELEY (38) - Ambitious VP trying to steal Sterling's biggest client
ZARA CHEN (14) - Generation Alpha intern, born 2011, unnervingly competent
TOMMY WILDE (22) - Millennial account executive, trying to bridge generations
ACT I
INT. STERLING & ASSOCIATES - EXECUTIVE CONFERENCE ROOM - MORNING
Gleaming corporate boardroom. ROBERT STERLING paces nervously while GERTRUDE arranges papers with militant precision.
ROBERT: Gertrude, darling, are you quite certain about this intern program? A fourteen-year-old seems rather... unprecedented.
GERTRUDE: Robert, it's called "youth engagement." Very progressive. The board adores progressive initiatives that cost nothing and generate excellent PR.
ROBERT: But what if she asks about our actual work methods? Our client retention strategies? Our—
GERTRUDE: She's fourteen, Robert. She'll file papers and make copies. How sophisticated could her questions possibly be?
ZARA CHEN enters, carrying only an iPhone and AirPods. She surveys the room with the detached assessment of a war correspondent.
ZARA: Good morning, Mr. and Mrs. Sterling. I've already reviewed your company's digital footprint, and I have some concerns about your brand authenticity metrics.
Stunned silence.
ROBERT: I beg your pardon?
ZARA: Your Instagram engagement is giving 2019 vibes, your LinkedIn content strategy is basically non-existent, and your TikTok... well, you don't have one, which is honestly a choice.
GERTRUDE: Young lady, perhaps we should start with introducing you to our filing system—
ZARA: I noticed you still use physical files. That's actually kind of iconic in a vintage way. Have you considered the environmental impact? Also, your data security is questionable at best.
ROBERT and GERTRUDE exchange panicked glances.
ROBERT: Data... security?
ZARA: Your WiFi password is "Sterling123." I was connected before I reached the elevator.
LORD MARCUS GORING enters, immediately sensing opportunity.
GORING: Robert! And the delightful Gertrude! I hear you've acquired a consultant. How wonderfully... modern of you.
ZARA: (to GORING) Are you the competitor Mr. Sterling mentioned? Because honestly, your Yelp reviews are concerning.
GORING: (delighted) I do believe I'm going to enjoy this season immensely.
ACT II
Later that morning. MRS. CHEVELEY arrives with predatory elegance, immediately spotting ZARA as an opportunity.
MRS. CHEVELEY: Robert, you didn't mention your intern was so... articulate.
ZARA: Mrs. Cheveley, right? I've seen your work on the Pemberton Industries account. Respectfully, your crisis management approach is very reactive. Have you considered getting ahead of issues instead of constantly putting out fires?
MRS. CHEVELEY: (intrigued) Go on.
ZARA: Well, your client testimonials feel scripted, your media relationships seem transactional rather than authentic, and your social listening is practically non-existent. It's giving very "we don't actually understand our audience" energy.
ROBERT looks mortified. MRS. CHEVELEY looks fascinated.
MRS. CHEVELEY: Fascinating insights. Tell me, Zara, what would you do differently?
GERTRUDE: (sharply) Mrs. Cheveley, she's here to learn, not to provide strategic advice.
ZARA: Actually, Mrs. Sterling, I learn better through application. Theoretical frameworks are fine, but real-world problem-solving is more engaging.
TOMMY WILDE enters, looking frazzled.
TOMMY: Mr. Sterling, the Morrison Group is threatening to pull their account. They say our approach is "dated" and they're looking for someone who "understands the current landscape."
ROBERT: (desperately) Current landscape! Yes! We're very... current!
ZARA: What's their target demographic?
TOMMY: Primarily 25-40, urban professionals, high disposable income—
ZARA: So millennials and older Gen Z. You're targeting them with tactics that worked for Gen X. That's why it's not landing.
GORING: (to MRS. CHEVELEY) I told you Sterling was losing his touch.
ZARA: (to GORING) Actually, Mr. Goring, your approach wouldn't work either. You're using boomer strategies to target millennials. It's like using a flip phone to take TikToks.
GORING's smile falters.
MRS. CHEVELEY: Zara, hypothetically, how would you approach the Morrison Group?
GERTRUDE: She is not providing strategic consultation! She's fourteen!
ZARA: Age is just a number, Mrs. Sterling. Besides, I probably understand their target market better than anyone in this room. I grew up watching millennials figure out adulting in real-time.
ROBERT: (quietly, to GERTRUDE) Perhaps we should listen...
ZARA: Morrison Group needs authentic engagement, not manufactured campaigns. Their audience can spot fake from miles away. You need user-generated content, genuine community building, and transparent communication. Also, your current tagline is giving very "how do you do, fellow kids" energy.
Everyone stares in stunned silence.
TOMMY: That's... actually brilliant.
MRS. CHEVELEY: (to ROBERT) I don't suppose you'd be willing to share your intern?
ROBERT: Absolutely not!
ACT III
Afternoon. The office is in controlled chaos. ZARA sits calmly at a desk, apparently running the entire operation from her phone.
GERTRUDE: Robert, she's been here four hours and she's already reorganized our client communication system, identified three potential PR disasters, and somehow increased our Twitter engagement by 300%.
ROBERT: How is that possible?
ZARA: I just responded to people like they were actual humans instead of potential revenue streams. Radical concept, I know.
GORING approaches, clearly rattled.
GORING: I don't suppose you'd consider switching firms? I could offer you... well, whatever it is fourteen-year-olds want.
ZARA: Mr. Goring, I appreciate the offer, but honestly? Your company culture seems toxic. Your Glassdoor reviews are brutal.
MRS. CHEVELEY makes one final attempt.
MRS. CHEVELEY: Zara, surely you can see that your talents are wasted in such a... traditional environment.
ZARA: Mrs. Cheveley, your firm is just Sterling & Associates with better lighting. You're all still thinking in terms of manipulation instead of genuine connection.
TOMMY: So what would you do?
ZARA: Build actual relationships. Listen to what people actually want instead of telling them what they should want. Use technology to facilitate human connection, not replace it. Be transparent about mistakes instead of covering them up.
GERTRUDE: (grudgingly impressed) That's surprisingly... mature.
ZARA: Mrs. Sterling, I've been watching adults make the same mistakes. It's not that hard to figure out what works and what doesn't.
ROBERT: So you'll stay? As our... consultant?
ZARA: I'll finish the summer program. But I'm not filing papers or making copies. If you want me to help, I'm actually helping.
GORING: (defeated) I suppose experience isn't everything after all.
ZARA: Experience matters, Mr. Goring. You just have to be willing to learn from it instead of repeating it.
TOMMY grins.
TOMMY: I think I'm going to like working with Gen Alpha.
ZARA: We prefer "digital natives," but we'll accept "Generation Alpha" if you promise to stop using it like it's a foreign species.
GERTRUDE: (to ROBERT) Perhaps our filing system could use some... updating.
ROBERT: (relieved) Welcome to Sterling & Associates, Zara. I have a feeling you're going to teach us as much as we teach you.
ZARA: Honestly, Mr. Sterling, you're going to learn way more. I already know how to use Google.
Everyone laughs as ZARA casually checks her phone, probably managing three different crises while appearing to do absolutely nothing.
FADE OUT.
THE END
"The future belongs to those who can work and communicate with anyone, at any level or generation... but it doesn't hurt if they can also fix your WiFi."
Look out for The Wednesday Unveiled version - Generation Alpha Is Coming to Your Workplace